Donkey
At the tender age of 7 months Donkey was the sole survivor of an experimental hot air balloon flight as his parents attempted to cross the Atlantic but soon ran out of combustible materials.
Raised by Dolphins, Donkey was discovered in a trawler net off the Orkney Islands in the year 1897 and was unable to communicate in any known language.
He was sold to a travelling Circus and for many years exhibited across the world as the incredible whistling fish boy. Described by the London Times of 1915 as one of the 82 wonders of the known world he became popular with the public and his employers liked him because he worked only for raw fish.
Eventually Donkey learnt English by listening to and mimicking the voices of his captors and their audiences, and in 1930 he left the circus to join the army. He was army boxing champion two years running and was undefeated in fencing. Due to his high intelligence (he refused to join Mensa because their entry criteria were too lax for him) he progressed rapidly through the ranks becoming a Brigadier General in three years and winning all the major medals for valour including the Victoria Cross. At the start of world war two he joined the Air force and as a fighter pilot was instrumental in winning the battle of Britain for which he was knighted in a secret ceremony after the war ended.
Accepting a position at Oxford university in the 1940’s he quickly became highly qualified with honours degrees in Medicine, the Classics, Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry, History and the Law. During his three years at the university he was captain of the rowing team and led Oxford to victory 3 times in the annual boat race.
On leaving university he decided to persue his sporting interest becoming (under assumed names) a world record holding track athlete, a successful spin bowler and an ashes winner and a member of the England football world cup winning team.
At this time he was a conservative back bencher for a seat in the Midlands refusing high office because of his preference for relative anonymity. He has been a key economic and foreign policy adviser to every Prime Minister since Wilson, and is currently working for the EU in Brussels, whilst advising the current US administration on Global Warming Issues.
Donkey personally holds 157 patents in Europe and the USA, and has been instrumental in several major advances during the 20th century. He was that shadowy figure in the Pub who started talking to Tim Berners Lee about Hyper links and gave him the idea for the world wide web, and in later years his advice to a young William Gates put him on track to develop Windows.
He has worked with Nasa on several space missions and was an astronaut on the Apollo 13 mission to the moon.
Due to an early diet of raw fish and his daily ingestion of a cocktail of South American herbs (of his own design) Donkey is technically immortal.
Contrary to public speculation, Donkey was never married to Elizabeth Taylor, or any member of the Royal Family.
